Man in the Universe

I was talking to my friend Terence yesterday and we got to talking about relationships. He has recently started seeing someone and they are beginning their long term relationship. He suggested that I make a detailed list of qualities in a man that I'm interested in. The idea is to know what I'm looking for so that when he arrives, I know who he is. Terence suggested sending my list into the universe and letting the universe find the man for me. Maybe I'll have more time on my hands now that I won't be spending all my time online hunting. Here's to the universe finding my man.

Pants

This is the sordid tale of my issues with pants in the past two week.

Pant 1: Light Khakis
It all started with my run in with a glue sick at crotch level (occupational Hazard apparently!) I ended up picking glue off my crotch for the rest of the afternoon. No problem, glue came out after the wash.

Pant 2: Dark Khakis
As I finished my usual day of work, I go to my neighbour’s house to tutor a grade 3 boy. I sat down in the chair and started to work and realized that I had a tear at one of the knees. I am on my knees a lot, it seems, due to my work and the knee part of the pant did seem to be wearing faster than the rest of the pant. I didn’t realize that it would tear so soon though. With dressier pants, one can’t exactly just patch it up and go on wearing them, so this pair has come out of my closet permanently.

Pant 1: Light Khakis – Part 2
I went to wash these crotch glue khakis with much delight that the glue came out. The only problem was that I had left a ball point pen in my pocket when it went through the machine. Now, I had blue ink splattered all over the back of my pants. I tried to remove it with alcohol, as suggested on websites, however, I hadn’t noticed the ink until after I put it through the dryer. Needless to say, this is my 2nd pair of pants that has come out of the closet.

Pant 3: Dark Cords
Another pair of pants that has shown much wear on the knees. I’ve come to learn that cords show wear much easier than normal pants due to the material it is made of. This time I noticed my knee wore out while I was working. Lovely. Of course, of all days for this to happen, it was a cold day with walk to the bus stop with a gaping hold in my knee for all the cold to see.

I suppose I am lucky in a way. I had purchased two new pairs of khakis in the last few months, so I’m not out of khakis to wear. At about $60 per pair though, I am out $180 these two weeks alone! YIKES!

Did I just make wine?

I stepped into the kitchen today to make dinner for the first time in a few weeks. Of course I rummage through the fridge to see what I had left there that my father chose not to use. After making a chicken pasta, I decided to have some juice to drink. I had made a white grape juice from concentrate last month and had left it in the back of the fridge in a plastic container. I noticed that the bottle was a bit bloated, as if it had been filled with a carbonated drink. I ignored it. I poured the juice then started my dinner. I took a sip of the drink, and it smelled much like wine. I tasted the juice and it tasted like wine as well! I'm not much of a wine drinker, but I have had wine before! I almost want to save this drink for someone else to tell me if it actually is wine. Maybe I will... who knows.

If it smells like wine and tastes like wine...it must be....

Maybe I have made a wonderful cheap discovery for numbing the mind.

@Peace

Grandpa died tonight at 11:40pm in hospital after suffering a massive stroke Wednesday evening during dinner. He was 80 years old. Meanwhile grandma remains in a nursing home suffering from Alzheimer and refusing to eat.

This is the first death in the family for me. I’m not really sure how I feel about the whole thing. I wasn’t really close to my grandpa in recent years, as our religious beliefs are so polarized. Perhaps our distance has also numbed my sensations over this matter.

As my dad and aunt scrambles around dealing with their father’s affairs, it will prove to be a learning experience for all, for it appears to be no power of attorney appointed to look after everything, including grandma in the nursing home with massive monthly bills. Perhaps the living will, will shed some light on the matter.

As fellow church goers and family arrive, it will be a massive family circus.

Mom said he was very kind that he passed away before school started up again. I suppose she is right. Sounds kind of strange though. That's my mom!

May he rest in peace with his maker.

Quantity or Quality of life?

I say quality above all other things. Why the question? My grandfather had a stroke tonight. They don’t think he will make it. Doctors think he is in a coma now. Knowing my father and his sister, they will keep grandpa alive on a ventilator until who knows when. Extending life to as long as possible, because long life is a good thing supposedly. Being religious folk as they are, they will pray for a miracle I’m sure.

My grandma who has been in a nursing home for about a year now, diagnosed with Alzheimer disease has slowly lost all her memories over the past 4-5 years. Grandpa has been looking after her all this time.

It’s a sick twist of fate that grandpa who has taken care of his wife for so long, will likely pass away sooner than his wife. Grandma, of course doesn’t know who anybody is, and has no understanding of life around her now.

We had a family friend who had a stroke and this lady was in a coma for over 8 years before her body gave out. In my mind, if upper brain functions aren’t there anymore, there really isn’t a point in continuing. People are defined by who they are by personality, humour, ideas, etc, and if those distinctly human traits gone, there really is nothing left but a shell. By all means, if lower brain functions are still going. Good for you. But if that’s all that’s left, what is the point? Really?

I would much prefer to live a short full life, than a long meaningless existence on a hospital bed for the remainder of my natural life. If a stroke comes, please hit in the lower brain stem. At least it’s done and over with. The only suffering that happens is suffering for the living. Those with no upper brain activity don’t know they are lying around for years on end, while the family is suffering at the bedside. No thanks.

Steam of consciousness writing, not even sure if it makes sense….

Magazine Subscription

It has become quite obvious how much money magazine companies make off newsstand copies.

I got a notice in the mail to re-subscribe to a computer magazine I get every month. I had this subscription for about 5 years now, and the same procedure takes place every time. I get a notice, I mail it back with a cheque or I call to renew. I had to call last year because they charged me more than I usually get the magazine for, and I told them the previous price I paid. They gave it to me, just like that!

This time, I was smart, I told them a different price than what was on my renew form. And they gave me the price I told them. Amazing! I guess that’s the length they’ll go to, to get someone to pay for the magazine. Despite the fact that the magazine has significantly shrunk over the past few years, it’s a much better deal now than it is to buy it off the newsstand. I’m getting 48 issues for the price of 4 newsstand ones! How sweet is that!?!

Call from the school board

How interesting the school board to choose my birthday, too give me a call. The reason: to offer me an board interview! LOL. I couldn’t believe it. I already have a job the board. I suppose I should be happy they called me, but as a teacher who has been working for a year already, calling this late in the summer is a bit of an insult. Last year, I was called in March! Maybe my skills have slipped a bit over my year of teaching.

Montreal

Anthony has asked me to go to PRIDE in Montreal with him over the long weekend! I can’t wait to go. I’m quite excited about it to be going to just relax after my course. I’ll take it as my mini vacation before getting back into work mode in the middle of August, as I prepare for my new class.

AQs

As my summer course is coming to an end, i think i have changed my mind about in-class courses vs. online courses. I have found the less amount of reading quite nice. Typically, online courses consists of reading of one chapter a day, with written responses to other students in the class. In class course has been less reading overall, but lots of group work. Although i’m not a big fan of the tangents we get on in class, the sharing time of different ideas have been very nice. I’ve learned some great ideas just from those sessions.

People who I thought i would work well with turned out to be not quite very good people to work with. Oh well... only 3 more days left of this thing.

Condo Drama: BE GONE!

Ok, so the condo drama is over for now. Today, mom and i went down to the developer to sign the papers to get the undermounted sink for the unit. Apparently there is a very quick turn around on picking the finishes. They actually only had 40 days to get every suite done in two buildings. I understand the timing issues, but minor changes... come on!

Over the weekend, Mom and i went to see other condo developments near home. What I have concluded from our adventures from the four sites we looked at are as follows:

1. Major developers in suburbia don’t really care about the finishes as much. Pretty much all basic features included are quite boring.

2. Independent developers tend to be more in touch with style and design. I suppose that is because they are selling a more modern building.

3. Major developers who build in suburbia and downtown really tailor to the cliental. The stuff uptown was quite gross, but the finishes in downtown condos were quite classy and up to date. I think people who buy in suburbia generally don’t care for granite countertops and undermount sinks like me. Which is just fine, because i don’t plan on living in suburbia anyway.

We actually found a unit that is has a very similar layout as the suite i will be living in. The best part of this is that we can look at how they placed furniture...we got some good ideas to play with. I won’t get to pick out things until I actually see the space anyway... but the ideas are just flowing now.

Condo Dilemma!

After having the option to pick finishes for the condo, and the drama around the cost, I suggested that we really should have an under mounted sink with the granite countertops. I thought of this after talking with Peter who is a contractor for home construction. He suggested that it wasn’t worth the trouble to do change a surface mounted sink to an under mounted sink. The only problem is that we had already picked the finishes on Monday, and we decided we wanted the under mounted sink on Wednesday. We called the developer and they told us that it was too late to make any changes. I thought it was quite ridiculous since we only picked the finishes on Monday, and there is no reasonable reason why people can’t make an addition. After all, we are giving them more money for this upgraded sink. They haven’t even gotten every suite’s orders yet, but they refuse to let us make one change. It would be totally different if we changed our mind after a month, or right before the suite was delivered, but 2 days!! Give me a break!

Condo Finishes

We went to pick the finishes to the condo today. I had put a lot of thought into the colour selection and the options. The only problem we ran into is that fact that the designer made some suggestions and other changes that increased the price higher than expected. My mother actually had a bit of a hissy fit after she saw the price. It was higher than my original estimates as well, but not totally out of control, in my mind at least. In the end, the only way I was able to convince mom it was ok, only after I offered to pay for the upgrades myself. Her argument was that the upgrades would be a waste of money and they wouldn’t add to the overall value of the unit when being sold. I disagreed, because I have to live there! It would be much better to enjoy your surroundings than to live in a slum you weren’t happy with. By the end of the design session, she was happy with the choices made. The condo feels very rich and warm, unlike the standard packages that were offered. The granite counter tops and the bathroom wall tiles cost the most of the entire project, but in my mind, they are both worth every cent! The only regret is not ordering the under mounted sink. I didn’t mention it because of the cost, and my mother’s reaction, but thinking about it more, I wish I ordered it anyway.

Delicious ending

It was a very long day of wacky hair and tape the teacher to the wall at school. After an exhausting afternoon, I had the pleasure to go out to eat dinner with some good friends from work. We ate at this place called "Seven Numbers" on the Danforth. A suggestion from Meghan, a woman with such great energy about her that teaches the behaviour class at school.

The food was amazing and it has been the first real good food I can remember since going to Perigee last year with Paul. It really reminded me of what real food tastes like, and I can't wait to get back into the swing of eating food that actually have flavour.

Show and Wacky Hair

At work, we had the talent show of sorts and the primary choir and myself performed the song "DO-RE-ME" from the Sound of Music. I was 'Maria' and lead the song on stage. It was such a wonderful performance by all.

It was also wacky hair day. I decided to come with my "hair in a bun". Much to the dismay of students, I came fully loaded with a real bun on top of my head, with chopsticks and all! I even wrapped my head in plastic wrap to "keep my bun fresh". The reactions I got from adults was pure laughter and from students, I got tonnes of strange looks and side smirks. My job was done :) I made sure students really understood the real meaning of "hair in a bun", well, at least, I checked to see if they got it or not.

Mother: Gay people need to try to change

While watching a news report on ex-gays, my mother called me down to watch it with her. She wanted me to see how right she is because at that part of the report, they were suggesting how successful it was. Mom was quite pleased with herself. The report later continued to say that the original success of the ex-gay movement was flawed in its approach because it was biased and lead to more frustration, including suicide. A man who went through conversion therapy came on saying that he had tried this form of therapy only to have gone through several attempts at suicide. The end of the report suggested that there is a genetic component to homosexuality, and that it is not something that can be changed.

The take home message my mother took away: At least that man tried to change. You aren’t even willing to try! When asked if she is asking that I kill myself, she only pushed on with saying that I haven’t tried. She hears what she wants to hear, and tunes out everything else.

It really does a number on ones self-esteem and self worth after listening to her. Guess I'll just have to stay out all weekend again, if not just to get away from this hell that I live in at home.

I was having such a good day before this point too...

Full time baby!

I finally got a full time position today! After a night of restless sleep and an early morning interview, the position that felt the best was the first interview I had in the beginning of this hiring extravaganza. The school had actively sought me out to apply for the position and they had faith that I would be their best candidate, and boy, did the energy feel good there. Other interviews felt cold and uninteresting while one was a very warm school yet didn’t have what I wanted in the end. I am so happy to have found a school that wanted me as much as I wanted them in the end. I even got the room that I wanted in the grade one school, with a window!

And the best part is, I still got offered two jobs, so I had to decline one. I was in a very unusual situation where I held the power to tell a school that I was not interested in them even before they made an offer. Felt nice and vindicated for a year of roller coaster job changes.

I can now pay for my condo! Woohoo!

The job hunt continues…

I have been looking for a full time position for next September, as I have only been working half time with a LTO on the side. This round of posting is very short, as the positions are posted on Monday, with interviews starting on Tuesday and job offers come on Friday at noon.

Resumes are to be sent by fax, and I don’t trust fax machines, so my anxiety levels were quite high. One never really know if the fax has gone to the right place or even made it to the desired location in the first place.

I’m much calmer now though, as I got 6 offers for interviews out of the 10 jobs that I have applied to. As the calls came into the school and on my cell phone, I got more and more excited, as I had options to choose which job I would like.

One school I interviewed at today even went as far to say that I’m the only one they are interviewing. Boy, did that make me feel good! The other school had a very cute VP, but I didn’t get a very good vibe from the interview. The philosophy of the teachers in the school didn’t seem to match what I would like to do in my teaching practice.

Three more interviews to go, hopefully, I get some more good feelings from the schools this coming week.

My fingers, along with everything else are crossed.

Parental Relationships

My mother wonders why I don’t have a good relationship with her.

She was sitting looking through magazines looking for ideas to redo her walk-in closet. I gave her some suggestions at places to look and we explored some websites. She saw a feature something she didn’t like, and made a point of saying, she doesn’t like the closet system because of it. Of course, it is a modular system, so if you don’t like it, you don’t buy it. I told her this once. Then we saw something else she didn’t like and she continued to say it makes her doubt the entire system. She continued on with various other features that she didn’t like, and I was increasingly getting frustrated with her comments. She gave me a hit on my shoulder (she says out of jest). I really dislike people hitting me, and explicitly told her not to hit me, and she gave me another hit (out of jest again, according to her). I told her to stop again, and she continued once again to hit me. I hit her back in retaliation. She went on this ranging rant (making up reasons for why I hit her back) about me being abused as a child to me abusing children in my class to my choice of friends.

She wonders why we don’t have a good relationship? She doesn’t listen. Like any good relationship, it is all based on effective communication. It is also a two way street, if she isn’t willing to hear what I have to say, why should I bother trying in the first place.

Mother later came in to say: “We are a simple family… husband, wife and children”. Referring to her inability to say she doesn’t like me being gay.